Often the "ignore" and "praise" responses have to be used together. Sometimes it is wise to ignore a child's inappropriate behaviour. For example, a child may not be eating his or her meal but just playing around with the food on the plate. Instead of nagging the child to eat it the parent may simply remove the plate without fuss. A similar meal can be given to the child later when the child is hungrier and the child can be praised liberally when that meal is eaten.

Children are sometimes easily distracted and forget what they are supposed to be doing. Here a reward may also be helpful. Perhaps if children are meant to "tidy up" after playing with particular toys they might be encouraged to do so by a small reward. The reward may be allowing them to do something they really enjoy. Rewards in the form of sweets proved to be helpful when our children were being toilet trained. The rewards may also be in the form of a hug or kiss, but it must be clear to the child which behaviour is being rewarded. As time goes by, rewards do not have to be used as frequently to be effective.

There are occasions when children have to be rebuked for a particular behaviour. A child cannot be allowed to play with matches or to run ahead of a parent and straight across a road. The child must be firmly told that this is unacceptable. Often the change in tone in a parent's voice will be enough for the child to realise that the parent is not pleased.

For all these responses to be effective in the long run, parents must be constantly aware of what children are doing and must use the responses consistently.

Praising, rewarding, ignoring and rebuking may well be helpful in bringing children to a stage of self-discipline where education can take place.

Kevin Reed