Children act aggressively towards their parents for many reasons:

* They don't know of any other way to solve problems or get what they want, and lashing out at someone or something is all they know.

* They haven't learnt to manage their feelings, especially angry ones.

* They are as yet unable to control their impulses, and so just "act out" without using self-discipline.

* They have not learnt to value or respect people or their property.

* They see parents as weak or powerless (often mothers) or they think that this is how women can be treated.

* They may be going through a difficult time and can't cope with the stress in their lives.

* They've grown up in a household where hitting is used by adults to show anger.

None of these reasons excuses violent behaviour.

What can parents do?

* Try to make some tough decisions, even though you might feel your confidence has been shattered. You may not be able to change your adolescent's behaviour, but you can take a stand for what you are prepared to put up with. This is especially important if there are younger children who may be frightened by the situation.

* In thinking about fights with your teenager, work out which issues you're not prepared to budge on, what you're prepared to give way on and what you can leave for your adolescent.

* What happens when a fight is brewing? What are the warning signs? When you notice these signs, try to stay away from each other (you or your teenager might have to leave the house). Only talk about your concerns when both of you are calm.

* Try to look at issues from your adolescent's view point, no matter how unreasonable this seems. Your behaviour could be aggravating the situation, even though you don't think it could be.

* If the behaviour is out of character and fairly recent, consider what might have happened or changed lately, including any new people who've had contact with your teenager.

* Notice what your teenager does well, and tell him. Spend some time supporting what they like doing if they will let you (eg. watching them play sport).

* Consider your favourite image of your teenager. Do you still think of her as she was when she was little? You may need to come to grips with the fact that she has grown and changed since then.

These notes are based on information compiled by a parenting group in South Australia.